Well, once again, i have kept everyone waiting for a long time...1st December passed and i've already know the gender of my dear junior....not wanting to keep all my frens in suspense any longer....hahaha...as if...okies, I'm expecting a boy....really...

As all of you can read, the title of today's entry is "The not so surprising surprise"...why is it so?? Cuz in the beginning God created heaven and earth....hehehe...juz kidding... i meant to say, when i was juz 2 mths pregnant, i've already got the feeling that i'm expecting a boy... dun ask me why... juz take it as a mother's instinct... If you really insist.. i would say, maybe it was the outbreak of pimples which i din have before i was pregnant and the growing hair line near my naval around my tummy...thought it was an increase in testrogen...maybe i'm wrong but i can't be bothered to find out the truth...anyway, that's not that important.

Halfway writing this entry, i decided to call Colin... suddenly missed him very much... maybe it's bcuz i hvn't seen him since last sat. And hving able to see him throughout the week during his training at Pasir Leba Camp(PLC) sort of became a habit...Nw i only get to see him during weekend.

I was crying when i was over the phone with Colin...quite depressed... bcuz of my growing built( i know it is normal) and i'm really scared that i can't handle the labour pain...even more so if i have to do it without him(if he has to go Taiwan). Currently, i have yet to sign up for any of the Childbirth Classes as i'm really broke so i'm really scared that i might juz give up in the labour ward...It'll be a lot better if Colin is around to encourage me or simply to juz hold my hand and be with me through it all...but like i said, only Lord knows if he'll be with me that day.

Staying at home all alone is a really terrible experience. Not that i do not wanna go out with my frens but juz getting out of the house means spending unneccessary cost... which right nw i simply can't afford. Though i do not wrk right nw, I still have my monthly expenses to worry about...insurance, phone bills and the internet. All of these i can't cancel. Though Colin gives me $400, it is only enuf to pay for those mentioned above... currently, i'm very worried about CNY. Juz hoping that we'll not over spend during the season.

Note to baby:

You are well loved by everyone...even more so by me and ur dad. Though from time to time u may hear me say i wanna give you up, but i wan u to know that it is juz my complaining and i nv meant for it to happen. If i had really wished for that, initially i would have agreed to abort you. You wun even get the chance to hear me whine and complain. I love you, how much i do not know. But i know that this love for u has been growing, juz like the way you are growing inside me. I'm not saying that after you leave my body i'll stop loving you but as long as you're growing, my love for you will not stop.

You have yet to have a name at this moment and frankly speaking i dunno wat to name you. I wan u to grow up healthy, have a good character and be the best that u can be. Dun let those who loved you even before you were born to be upset or feel that you're a letdown, you will not grow to be that sort of person. My dear child, you are my most precious and i have high hopes that you'll do well in your life. I love u.

Mommy said her piece @ |10:35 PM|

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